Before And After Sense, OR, How Well Do I Know A Truth As Being Present Now?

Facing Life Directly One Brick Of Now At A Time?

The Wall of Now. Where did it come from and where is it going, as it seems this wall has a kind of permanence to its construction while simultaneously leading our choices down an uncertain path.

These existential ambiguities roll through relativistic ontological parameters; Where do subject and object meet? When and where do I know a thing as empirically present in my awareness? Are my cosmological and spiritual assumptions of what Is Now an honest cognition if I have no interest in my own possibilities of error in judgment?

Where is now exactly? What does my consciousness have to do with it? Did we create now out of our past, since all we discern petty much is judged against what we know? In fact, does not the simple construction of a sentence wrap the DNA of the past into a spiraling act of memory projection?  This seems to make awareness a thing that has a long tail into the past, while we assume there is not an extension into the future.

We construct our awareness of Reality, our epistemological conclusions as to what actually is, with a faith that the future is currently free of us, free enough that we can change it by doing a thing now and “seeing” how it turns out.  Riding this temporal arrow of the nature of now, we aim at being present while we are encouraged by many factors to goalatize the future a target as a futurized intention to make some next thing happen. ( Now that sentence seems to have redundancy built right inti it) This post seeks to hit some truths that exist on both sides of the present moment, that persist for some time with some relevance to doings now. Perhaps to what is valued as a value itself.

Amidst all this questioning of existence there is this assumption; That questions are examinations of Life beyond the trap of what seems obvious; That what is obvious has a likelihood of flaw particularly as we do not doubt our abilities of discernment, and that those flaws have their own meanings to self and to society, meanings that can cover the “true” intent of a definition with the sociocultural coloration of ignorance into a garb of knowing. The unexamined now is like the unexamined life, where my awareness of my impact on the world is kept in a kind of darkness for a unwillingness to know a more complete impression of truth for my own solipsistic demands of “my” emotion.

How high is It, this construction of now in my mind? How broad? Is It really a frozen moment, a photo, or do things go beyond it into the known and the unknown?  Is this unknown my feeling of freedom, where if bridal-led with a sense of constraint leads me to believe I am restricted, oppressed by constructs that direct me toward what is allowed and what is not?  What is possible and what is not?

I ask many questions here, not to propose I have all the answers to Now’s conundrum, but simple to open portals of thought into this P1000385 - Version 3present moment.  What of this moment is true and what is more of fantasy?  What is imagined and projected out by my assumption, my interpretation of what is occurring in The Now and what, perhaps, do I chose not to know for whatever reason be it belief or ignorance?

This illusive present moment, here one moment, here the next, but where is It exactly?  What do past and future have to do with now, it seeming both are so dependent upon the outcome?  If now is a Finite moment, sometimes called the Now Point, what are past and future to this present? And what of my, our, one and only Point Of View?  Does my event horizon of consciousness actually cross over to yours, or is the singularity of me alone, behind a kind of insurmountable wall of the perception of my conscious awareness>

Our awareness, does it not exist beyond the confines of NOWs certainty?  My memory influences my senses from the past and my senses filter my environmental insights indicating intrinsic importance to awareness, but this ability to perceive does not mean I perceive correctly once my cognition registers to me as a true view.  Right now exist amidst a myriad of interrelated/connected processes involved in space-times relativistic matrices, going and doing while I attempt to extricate one moment to call right now where I am convinced I reside fully. I have learned across space-time to have faith, to believe principles of connectedness have regularity. Yet how do I know when I have encountered some canard, a thing perhaps designed to obfuscate or otherwise confuse?

At The Mercy Of Now’s Possible Facade

We are born able and susceptible to construing patterns of being, kinds of laws that are trustworthy; I trust my foot in the air will land on something solid (usually), how do I predict this? ; That a predominance of data suggesting it is so? Same thing (thinginess?) with where I am headed, quite certain it will be there at the end of the block, and somewhat less certain; at the end of this sentence.

Our thoughts go off dancing across time as surely as a dancer on a surface, but the surface of consciousness may resemble solid sandstone, or quicksand, depending upon where the pressure falls and continues, seemingness becomes a kind of trusted standard on which to step.  We step where our senses know best by history, tending to walk in the direction of sight–where we intend to go or sensory apparatus feeds this movement through now. We assume consciousness exist now, in The Now, while not knowing the parameters and depths of now. The notion of my being, (beingness), with a self awareness we self proclaim as sentient, even including an awareness of a soul, the idea of a transcendent nature that persist beyond the physical restraints of the body. In this matrix and continuum of being present in Life our human ideas are tested for validity, and yet the standard for correctness has a problematic core; our fallibility in knowing we know enough to decide what is true from what is not.

Amidst this sea of ambiguity we are reduced and induced to deciding what to do now, and now.  We create a paradigm of consensus realities that become a prism and as easily a prison of perception from which we diagnose the condition of Reality, and then are readily encouraged to prescribe what to do now and next now, moment by moment.  With unknown skill and perhaps unknowable discernment of tool quality and performance skill-sets, we are to do something, usually a thing considered of use by society and culture.

Do I Decide What Is?

In our result oriented world; things are or are not. Ambiguity and uncertainty are considered undesirable qualities because of this decision imposed upon Reality.  We can look at many an emotional issue with a certainty in which we “see” the reality of the actions of others as conveying their intentions, then judging by what is sometimes faulty logic and erroneous evidence, acting upon that questionable self diagnosed Appearance Reality.  This degree of often likely error goes on to create its own ripples of influence into my perceived now, and likely to some degree, into the world.

We have a certain rush to judgment mentality construed as being a good thing overall.  Questions unanswered, gray zones, insufficient evidence, transitional limbos, these will often not reflect well in the goal oriented glare of the light we place upon success and achievement.  If we are to sell ourselves, as we do striving for work or attention, we usually do well to appear to know what to do now even if we have no idea in reality.  In this case, attitude, such as apparent confidence, will do more to color in the gray areas as will the truth of a matter.

We gamble on our opinions of now to get what we want, perhaps not really knowing why we want what we do.  We humans are here highly susceptible to appearances, so much so that we can see, particularly amidst our youth, how style and attitude are employed to perform as substance, especially the “looks” of power.  This pretense to knowing exist in our “grown up” constructions as well.  We have institutions that perform in what may be at times an Appearance Reality facade; judging one as being guilty to an act via some seeming preponderance of data meeting an alleged standard of proof while not intending to know what may in fact be non pejorative information.  We have executed the innocent, assuming they are guilty of a horrendous use of personal power, yet not personalized the institutions use of effectively that same power.  We can operate our reality farm detection machinery perhaps not knowing to what degree we are harvesting our own Confirmation Bias; how we imagine some aspect of now is without knowing if we actually have the correct data set, and not intending to know this truth.

We have religion, politics, construct and concept designed to further one point of view in a reality of collectivities.  When what seems as ugly weeds of cognitive dissonance arise amidst my garden of self reflection, I may pull them up and throw them away, going on to perceive my world as if these incongruities of the self never appeared, or perhaps making sure to point out the weeds I “see” in others gardens as indications of their own inferiority, for look at how beautiful my garden is.

My view of the soundness of my world view can include defects I do not acknowledge and assumptions I do not own up to. This landscape of being, where we may build high and proudly, can be, and likely is, unexamined in the nature of its accuracy.  Our ideas of cause and effect, of laws of manifestation, are likely compromised by all we do not know. We trust experts who claim to know, and beliefs we claim to know, and not wish to know if they in truth do know true cause and effect. The deep question to the nature of being human is if we want to know, if we truly intend to know what is possible, or else are satisfied floating along on currents of assumption because that’s what we are told to do, for it is the easiest thing to do, to repeat.

But For Now?

It is beginning to be understood that what appears to us to be the future influences the present moment. A kind of precognition is being documented by random number generators and other devices, detecting events before they happen now.  My awareness of now (including my own personal awareness of precognition) seem to indicate now is not as isolated a moment as we have assumed.  My awareness of my island of now may well exist in a virtual sea of now, a sea connected to All.

The institutions we create in society, and so the self, are riddled with the fault lines of these assumed truncated appearances which do not discern a truth, or at least not the truth believed. Truth is however, always ever-present even in dysfunction and error. There are cause and effect relationships depicting the nature of existence even if I am not getting accurately what they are or if they are.  For better and for worse, we marry our identities to presumptive traditions, for we assume a “thing” is already completely known for the appearance of consensus reality says a thing is so. But in reality? We may well be the forest too and not just the tree; the flower and not just a petal; more of an integral aspect of existence than just a body that comes and is then gone.

We humans lay claims upon sure truth and reality even while not knowing the ingredients of the landscape in which we flourish and perish.

Idealism, populism and the practical realities of American elections

To some it will spell hypocrisy, to others, practicality. We can spin any subject or comment or position in our own philosophical direction. It is common at elections, for the right in particular, or those not for a certain candidate, to find a contradiction, large or small, and then proclaim they are all alike. Usually this ends up to be a platform to doubt all one says or stands for, a politically expedient but not necessarily truthful conclusion.

Unfortunately, because we are trapped into a corporate echo chamber of issues, and the big money required to get them into position to overwhelm your opponents attacks or positions, we can expect a certain likeness will tend to dominate the presentation of ideas. Those who appeal to populism should be held accountable for what they do or do not deliver on their promises.

We could argue that election manipulation and terror manipulations kept the Bush administration from being held accountable to many conservatives and their prior proclamations of compassionate conservatism. If anything, “compassionate conservatism” by this administration was a ploy and a concept much more retarded than assumed. They ended up being compassionate to the most wealthy of conservative power interest, and not the assumed truly disadvantaged who were so often left to drown in the bathtub.

However. We can now see how the failings of the populist voice of the Bush administration, no matter how phony it now seems, that failure is generating the demise of the right wing take over machinery of the Republican Party, (and then of America), who attempted to restructure government to exclude contrary ideas, political parties and opinions. If we are still capable of carrying out an honest election, that concept perhaps being an oxymoron, we will likely see the rebound from the damage caused to the the Great American Commons. Unfortunately, due to corporate dominance of so many aspects of society, that rebound to common sense might take long, be consistently attacked, and be made to seem to make little sense at all.

For the Obama fund raising issue being turned into a watershed revelation by interest concerned with existentialising the debate. Here is a link to a fairly balanced perspective, though certainly some will not hold that view.

Unless elections are both equal and fair in their limitations and abilities, having optional public funding is a political gimmick. A pretense that we can have fair elections if we were really interested, but any obvious disequilibrium will cause an opting out. Democracy, however, is dependent on a fair playing field. The way it is now, elections are still at the mercy of money and media access; they control democracy’s fate to a great extent. What you hear about who and for what reason, has become a business decision. Now how fair, and to what philosophical perspective is that bias likely to favor?

Obama’s Refusal of Lobbyists’ Money Has its Limits –

Apr 22, 2007 Although Obama took no money from Exelon’s Washington lobbyists, he accepted …. from corporate donors should be required to wear a jacket



It started with a simple maneuver. It showed up on the ground one night, then during the day that never came.

Our worries of global warming; all the arguments pro and con, especially the con job of the con. Now what difference did any of it make? All we knew was; the sun was taken off-line.

It seemed we were easy pickings for plunder.

They had watched us to see how we were; what our motivations are; how we treated one another. Their conclusion seemed to be; Do with them what you will to come out ahead.


Temperatures around the world began to fall. Scientist gave grave warnings of how much time we had left. We seemed to have no choice but to accept their demands. We all shook our heads. Didn’t see this one coming, literally. For a brief while, we acted as if it were only a long night.

Seemed they had dragged an asteroid to the other side of the sun and used it for a construction project. There, where they erected the monstrous sun screen never to be seen. Apparently, self replicating robots have no problem making whatever one wants to whatever scale in practically any time you desire. This sun block had to be larger than the earth for heaven sake! Yet it was so thin we could not see them towing it past the sun. It seems it is designed to let even the solar wind keep it in place. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Anyway, that is all besides the point now. Now they have us over the proverbial barrel. We become a deep freeze or do what we are told. No negotiations, no deals. The whole world was riveted on the TV and Internet for a good day. Or should I say, a bad night, for then people’s survival instincts kicked in big time.

In this sudden endless night, with the panic ravaged stores stripped of everything; the clothing gone, along with any fuel most anywhere, news had covered the panic. We were told some companies and the key government officials would be holed up for some time in certain places undisclosed. Seemed they were sending whomever a message of defiance, but with what we all wondered. Some say they could hold out underground with what they have for a hundred years. We will not have that blessing, or curse.


In our arguments over this, we felt pity if it came to that. Whomever this is will not care. They will take what it is they want, and probably deal with whomever is still alive here with ease.

The shock was those first days, all the signs that showed up around the world. It seemed that the have-not’s thought this was a good time to make a point. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE!; was engraved on placards all over the planet. Along with; HOW DOES IT FEEL? and; OH MY! WHAT WILL THE RICH EAT?. That one went right to the core. All over the world there were these last protest on the human condition, as if all we could hold accountable was ourselves, and how we had partitioned “having”. One last statement of how so many had felt and endured for so long. Now, in some strange ways, the books were being balanced.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR OIL PROFIT NOW?; was shown on the TV screens as the camera panned over crowds near bonfires, dressed in their heavy coats and layers. People seemed unreal, wobbling back and forth. Everyone was large in a way. Strange looking with faces covered in wraps and ski mask, flames flickering over the huddled mass of human penguins.

It was surreal, how TV watching seemed to become talking while watching the bonfires. A few portable TVs and computers were at the fires for a while. World wide, there was this gathering in the street. There seemed to also be some kind of rotation going on from fire to fire, until it became too cold to just go walking whenever you liked. Excursions would be planed for bringing food and ice to thaw at the fires. Metal pens were made near the fires where people could sleep yet still get some warmth. Others were always cooking and thawing things round the clock, since days were now somewhat undistinguished from one another, except the ever increasing cold.

The TV screen began to waver as; DID YOU REMEMBER TO CHECK THE STOCK MARKET TODAY?, became the last protest sign. For a brief while the TVs everywhere said this; TO CONSERVE RESOURCES; YOUR BROADCASTING COMPANY IS SUSPENDING OPERATIONS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. For reasons unknown, the power was out the next day. We imagined that would be the last of that. Many trees began to vanish by chainsaws used to cut them up for firewood.

Overnight we had all become the have-not’s. We had no idea what the worlds governments were doing. Were we all going to die for our pride? Would we not surrender, but instead just let the world fall all at once to extinction, every human achievement to vanish?


After the panics settled down, people were reserved and meditative. They sought out love and friendship. Whatever anyone had was shared. The cold ones were given more protection from those who said they were well warm enough. Food was brought down to the bonfires. We ate just enough to allay the feelings of hunger. We seemed to all think we have to try to make it as long as we could and not just give up.

It was odd to notice certain ones, who we knew were the local rich or famous, join in like all the rest of us. We all seemed to wonder how we had gotten life so wrong. How we did not see it was always love; love we wanted, needed and yearned to give to anything or one we could? To give and not to get, a simple reversal of formula. We had all been so blind. Facing a great chasm of nothingness, we still had each other.

The moon was now always just a black disc that blotted out the stars. Now there were two such disk. It did not take long to tell which was which as the days went by. We were an abandoned spaceship suspended in a galaxy now. We never knew how many stars surrounded us. The Milky Way was now our primary light source beyond the fires. Even our eyes had begun to adapt to seeing under its light enough to make it around. I will always remember that strange gift; how something that had apparently vanished in the city lights had seemingly turned itself back on to hover over us.


It had been some days ago when this all started. We knew many of the most vulnerable had already perished. Generators had gone down, since any of their energy source’s were raided by others in the Great Panic, as we now call it. Oddly, just days later, some of that fuel was returned to the generators, but for many it was just too late. Things changed amazingly fast, yet we had all come to be on the same wavelength of love for one another. We were becoming proud to “go out” on such a note of achievement. We would launch quick expeditions at times when we heard someone had made it through to somewhere near, but could not get to the fire. We all wanted to be together and did whatever we could to make that happen. Then it happened.

As the larger disk rose up, light was piercing through as if heaven had found us by searchlight. We said to each other not to look at the sun, it might be harmful like at an eclipse. It was amazing how you could notice the warmth from this dissolving blackness instantly. We did not worry over what it all meant. We had already found the light. It was Love all along. We had Love. We knew it was up to us to keep that flame burning free.

End of story.

{I conceived and wrote this story today.  Any similarity to other stories out there is purely coincidental. Benafia.}


Personal and world events all hinge on intentions. What is motivating me and where is that motivation coming from?

There seems to be a balance to being; meaning, life as we know it integrates within its own manifestation. The elements follow their rules, molecules combine those, then follow new rules born of integration it seems. Water molecules under the same conditions, do not freeze today at 32 degrees and tomorrow at 43 degrees.

All life and being is under The Law, like it or not. But just as elements and molecules differ, there may be an exponential like increase in varieties of being, and kinds of laws that come into being. We could say God, the Universe, the Cosmos, whatever one sees everything as belonging to, is under the auspices of Its One Law.


If you do not agree with me on my Universal premise, the only explaining left is a solipsistic plunge into self focuses fantasy. It, however, no matter how filled with illusion, confusion and misrepresentation; it still is governed by the One Law. Sorry. There is no escaping whatever reality is, no matter how delusional I may be.

This certainty flows from the Grand notion of Unification, glanced at above. I, or groups, can try to put our “brand” on this Grandness, even discern its true workings locally and cosmically to a certain degree, but it is an error to think only my way of seeing the Big Union, is the correct one. Why? No matter how many books are passed around, or WEB searches made, I can never put it all into my consciousness mentally. Heart, Spirit, Awe, Love and other nearly undefinable senses of connection to Life, bring us our closest reach into the Infinite and Eternal.


Here is the obvious problem then. I am born into a subjective setting. I learn subjective concepts and paradigms as to what reality is. I am born into subjective family dynamics, giving me my own stamp of the One Law exponentially diversified out, then converged into my unique circumstance. I am literally now, programmed to seem to not agree with you, or if not you, surely many others. We fight in families when what we call “wills” compete for reality manifestation. We may feel abandoned or betrayed when our feelings or our thoughts seem to take second, or last place.

Why is that? We are in truth entitled to our self and its experiential and other adjustments. When our will does not succeed, we sense a certain kind of denial to truth. And we are right! Even tough our feelings and beliefs may in fact be wrong. Here is the groundwork to conflict and war rationalizations.


This seeming contradiction described above can be seen through by the self, if we seek what is subjectively from my own vantage point, a higher truth. For differing reasons at different times, we may or may not rise to this higher moral directive to understand and grow more full into comprehension of a fuller authentic being.

I have so far described a method by which conflict arises seemingly legitimately to the self, and yet, the problematic nature of being only self absorbed places me into a perpetual conflict mode. I just imagined an allegory of this being a drop of watter, alone in its little sphere, insisting it is not at all the same as the lake. It seems not in the lake. No birds land onto it, nor fish swim below inside it. Not a river flows into it, how is it then at all like the lake from its point of view? Maybe not like it at all! But with higher understanding, we may come to comprehend and perceive a vast similarity, beyond the individuals edge. Life itself, including me, exist in just such a commonality. This is irrefutable.


For many a reason related to my propositions, I can side conservative or liberal, as generalized abstractions, over the same situations as a person. I can feel cut off and defensive, blame, ridicule, insult and assault those claiming differently. I am wanting to preserve what I value in life, and feel completely righteous about it. I can demean those unlike me, and try to have my way imposed on others for my own sense of security.

I can feel open and giving, a part of everything, seeing contradictions of motivations as mistaken identities of perceptions of surface separation, and be equally righteous about it. I can hear those seemingly closed off, insult me, try to provoke me, even blame me as the source of problems by not being seemingly closed off to an abstraction. I hear this emotionalized reason stimulated by fear and insecurity, and still understand where they are coming from, allowing them space to grow instead of trying to erase their difference by force. Force often reproduces what it is trying to erradicate by an opposite reaction basesd in self centered identity.

Come religion and politics, plus interpersonal dynamics, and even my own inclinations, I can chose to accept more of the one or more of the other. I ask which one is more near to Greater Truth? Which one is partnered so often with fear and insecurity? Which is so often more about lecturing to conformity, and which is more likely to say lets talk this out and try to understand the new Higher Truth given by God, Life or whatever you call the Grand Being? What does that say of my own cosmology, or what I think are the reasons I live and do what I do, while others do something different?


Only I can look into me and assess where I really am and what untested abstractions I grab as life preservers, INSTEAD of facing the situation full on. Only I can see where I have been mistaken, in that sense that right now I can free my ignorance by understanding something more than I have been. Radical honesty, forgiveness, heart opening to the Whole; these are always available right now to bring me into a new awareness of self, and a greater connection felt, to the Whole.





FIRE spit out of my fingers

onto a wall without reason

a hand could send signals

through time

through lives

and all for the freedom

of taking a look

doing something

outside myself

on a cave wall

a living memory

the underside of a cliff

I touch you, see

out of nowhere

I reach you with just one clue

we contact outside of time

was it a minute

a while

a brief forever

does it matter?




(hand prints and all colors done by me with concrete impregnated with dye)


We have learned

that anyone can do it

anyone can play the puppet

I could speak off the teleprompters

repeating over and over, and over

just like old George Orwell said

I could scare the masses silly

making them dumbfounded

ready made for deception

change words meanings

it is what we have seen

what has come to be

my friends could get

incredibly wealthy

they would owe me

that is what nepotism

and our despotism

are always about

it could be me

or you siphoning

off of life’s energy

forcing our own will

upon if we are willing

to toss it all away

on sure delusion

and each dollar

like Orwell said

scare them good

good and stupefied

then tell them straight

whomever disagrees

is a liar or a traitor

misguided fringe

a seditious element

to be hounded down

by sycophants and bias

along with each freedom

then marginalize them

make them look nutty

you know it, ridicule

conservatism’s slave

tempting our hubris

now you own normal

the machinery is set up

to change the votes

to lose the trail

to tell the tale

only from our

point of view

now truth is bias

the hint will be

gotten inside out

the threat to freedom

bend it wide to oblivion

for it is we the doer’s

who own all Creation

having taken it away

right from under

the Almighty’s nose

if we ruin this world

running it ragged

using it all up

spitting it out

the public kept

deaf and dumb

so! what!

we have lived glory

been followed as gods

bowed to by believers

owned others wills

in the good life

we have taken


of all life

have taken

its very soul

consumed it

without a fear

for any one

or any thing

to stop us


could do it

we have seen it

the ungodly exchange

in our night of fear;

blood is cheaper

than oil.


Being involved with family violence control puts me in an odd situation.

I have avoided physical fighting my whole life. Childhood became the most significant influence on this. My father had told me, and I took it as holy law, that you as a guy, do not strike women. I cannot say that my older sisters and I did not have shoving matches, but for me that would have been self defense. Our family dynamics was heavy on the mental sparing which can seem actually more devastating.

The physical violence in our house was later done, after my mothers death, by a step mother-guardian. She would not hesitate to hit, throw objects and threaten with knives. She sent my father to the hospital with a big gash across his forehead. I slept with the largest kitchen knife under my pillow as a self defense plan for a knife attack while I was asleep. She had hit me in the face while I was asleep, then locked me out in the snow in my pajamas. My father committed suicide not long after that.

Earlier I had incidences when someone seemed to be threatening my life as a freshman high school. I was literally about 100 lbs. and someone morbidly obese around 500 lbs, held me under water to near drowning during pool time in a crowded pool. He had done this more than once. It became so serious to me (swallowing-inhaling watter) that I thought I would have to take matters into my own hands. One more time, and I was going to put him in a headlock with my legs around his neck and hold him under until it meant something. I was a totally inhibited kid and did not trust authority to do anything but blame the victim. So I had to weigh in my mind, possibly causing someones death and being called and treated as a murderer.

As it turned out, he never did that again. But I was sure it would have been me to blame and I would have felt I had no options in my own self defense. No one seemed to notice him doing this during the pool commotion, so I believed no one would accept my story. It just never came through to experience. In physical confrontations during boyhood, I found I had to keep the potential for rage out of me, especially since I had no doubt that I would take down someone twice my size. It took someone quite a bit larger and older to overcome me. I was afraid of my rage and how if unleashed it would seem out of my control.

(As evidence that I am not just delusional about this strength proclamation. When it rained a lot during physical education, outdoor activities were called off and we were put into the gym, we freshmen and the sophomores, to have a thing called “bombardment”. This is where there are two sides chosen, a line across the middle of the gym, where the two sides throw rubber balls a little smaller than a soccer ball at each other. Out of about 150 students divided in two, little me was one of the last picked, last or second to last.

Well the first game I discovered that being in the lower 10% in size had me a bit afraid, so I hung back as many did. All it took was the guy next to you ducking and a ball out of nowhere taking you out, while leaving a big red mark somewhere. I decided to risk all and take it to the line next game.

You could see most of what was being thrown up front. I found out I could catch any-ones ball thrown at me, but no-one could hold onto mine. I was also very accurate. I won that game. The last guy standing. I was picked second of all players next game. The team first picking, picked his seeming best friend first, so I was first on the other team picked. The next game was the last. It oddly ended up being me the last standing on my team, and a very out of shape guy hiding and dodging in the corner on the other side when the period ran out. I could no longer throw fast enough to eliminate time for him to move. That is how little old me was as a skinny five feet two.)


What I just said I cannot say to someone involved in family violence. As far as physical violence goes, I do not hit women. I have told ones who gave me any actual physical provocation that, “If you do that again, we are over!” I do not tolerate fighting, especially in the home relationships. I try to avoid physical confrontations with anyone. Now that I am a “senior citizen” I find you are not seen as a threat overall, or there is a kind of automatic respect. Most of that sense of being on guard is much diminished now. I take peace as my way and it path is most often open.

I have found that emotional abuse has prove a bit more difficult to not take part in, compared to a sense of law that one just never does such a thing. I grew up that way, making fun of someones mistake or being ridiculed. It is then a model of behavior I have had to contain and reverse. To do that requires a will and an understanding of the Golden Rule or Categorical Imperative. I need to establish the sense that not only does “what goes around comes around.”, but it is already damaging my life. Abusing others in any way is profoundly self abuse.

I need to see (learn to recognize) when I am treating another like I would not wish to be treated, and immediately review what my self respect or control problem really is. We are often given the information from another that we are on some kind of attack and they becoming defensive, or initiating their own retaliations.

Still, when expressing guidance to someone, it will often fall flat if it is preached or describes as something I am so above, and can’t understand how someone could do such a thing. That fits as a key with very few dysfunctional programs. I have to speak out of and through my own life, the love in your heart has to be in it, to be a gift expected to have a chance at being received.


In some ways I have described political tactics and ways of manipulation. All manipulation is in some way an abuse of the truth. Its vibrational disturbance will not go unnoticed, except perhaps, by like minded dysfunction. The same situations and rationalizations that come to effect home life are used in the greater life of our world. Even if everyone does it, doesn’t make it right.

We will find manipulative arguments covered if various guises meant to hide their intention, and instead, be represented as your own interest. Fear and insecurity are great hiding places for manipulative interest. Optimistic vision can also be used as a trick to catch someones interest, then later prove to have been a ruse. We need to be both critically minded on the one hand, and have our heart held out open in the other. True adults can do this.

The upcoming election seems to be being based on fear and insecurity vs. hope and optimism, both of these being held as paramount in differing ways by the candidates. I am not saying that we are not justified in having these inclinations. What I am encouraging is the “true believers” and the doubtful to have their wits about them. As citizens and voters, it is up to us to determine the fact from fiction, the hidden agendas from the promises of safety and security. For power will seek to inject its corruptions into all areas of life if let be.

We each are freedom, love, and truths best and last hopes. Better to stand with understanding under their tall light, than the ignorance that festers in the shadows of misunderstanding.