One can assume that from the negative instances expressed in my post on “bad” development, that I had a difficult start at life. Maybe things that happened should not have, or some adult should have “stepped up” to fill the void. If only my health issues were addressed, I might have had a better shot at least perceiving myself as normal and able to achieve normal goals.

Some people, sooner or later, suggest troubled histories should be “gotten over” as if some transcendent self is waiting if you would only amputate your own history. That cannot happen but by suppression, or as in cults, reinventing oneself, loaded with positive self perceptions usually associated with a host of abstractions that are believed to be ones new identities motivation.

I suggest it is more worthwhile to become ones own archaeologist; follow the sediments of feeling but gain an enhanced perspective of the environments impact, including dusting off all the main characters. Usually I find that mom or dad were not absolutely perfect all the time as my feelings at the time would have preferred. I can then learn from that difference; learn compassion for anyone who is stuck in their own past, unable to unearth it and let it breathe free. Confession can do this; when I admit a wrong or mistake and forgive myself for holding it as what is ultimately real. I can then decipher what love was concealed.

Much love is often concealed from us. Many children have had more difficult histories than mine. History seems to show that we humans inflict our lack of known love on one another and even make institutions of it, concealed in church and or state. Wars, as well as some cultures, place the individual in a state of presumed evil, then punish them for acting out on those presumption’s. To see these ideas in action in present day America, albeit a more innocent state in the family, all one need do is watch the TV show called “THE NANNY”.


It is curious how a wedge issue in conservative circles is their framing of the “welfare state” into the “nanny state”. Helping people who are at some disadvantage is presumed to be a disservice to God and country because you are softening the individuals challenge and weakening them in a Darwinian or meritorious way.

If my life is any example, help would have been a great service. Living as a child without constant toothaches would have been a blessing, are we not to be an agent for blessing? Noticing I could not get the assignments off the blackboard’s, or peeked around at times to see what instructions were just put up during a test. How about as I sat there trying to make a lens with my fingers creating a pinpoint hole to focus the light? Years and years and no one noticed this child, only to say I was an underachiever.

All those times the neighbors called the police over our night fights. The police threatened we’d be sent to foster homes, and as shy as I was, I thought; There could be a chance to be safe? I’d take it. After being awoken with fist hitting my face one night and thrown out into the snow in my pajamas, (stepmother said she was trying to get my father to care about something in his life, so she attacked me in my sleep.) I then went on to sneak into the kitchen at bed time to put the largest knife under my pillow, since she had threatened to kill me. How about the police or anyone asking us kids what we thought?


I have had enough challenge in my life without having those out there feeling even more should come my way and only be left on my back. “Oh look at that poor guy hunched over going down the street looking into dumpsters! Looser. Could I have some more ice cream on my cake please!”

We are given enough challenge in life to last a lifetime. Actively trying to leave people in misery as to not be their “nanny” reeks of callus arrogance, or an explanation for ones own need for greed and indifference to the plight of others. I believe it was Warren Buffet who stated, as he was giving billions to the Gates Foundation, that ‘ You can go (and I’m paraphrasing) to the playgrounds of the wealthy; country clubs, certain golf courses etc., and hear much bemoaning of the welfare state and its corruption of the individuals character, while those very people speaking have their own family in its own socialized welfare state!; all taken care of.’


What have been called “wedge Issues” are classification buzz words to cleave self perception from its own interest, an interest concealed by much of our individualistic assumptions of what being a human being is. It is an attempt to make a biased emotional argument get hold of the minds identity. Confusion regarding what is good for me is possibly not good for you and vice versa, is meant to partition the “Golden Rule” for a reason, a reason of separation.

Once I perceive myself as somehow completely different and disconnected from someone or something, I can ignore it to my peril, yet feel free and entitled and even urged to do just that for the common good. There are often institutions, or powerful status individuals who promulgate the theory’s that others need not be thought of in any way as being like you at all, but otherly and alien and not really human. In America, individuals are hired as pundits at great expense to fill the airwaves with ad hominem perspective. The Zeitgeist of the cultural matrix’s can have us all calling those heretics who say the earth is round, and even have us feel holy and honoring God and nation in stoning them.

Barbarism is alive and well wherever death is promoted as the real solution above understanding, when understanding and its solutions are possible and forfeit for revenge.


As far as helping one another being a bad thing to do, derided as being an accomplice in producing a nanny state, something terribly wrong has gone on in the human heart to reach that cold hearted conclusion. I do not promote laziness and being someones slave so they are safe completely at my perpetual care and expense while they are able, but one can argue that that is what we have with the emerging corporate welfare state, or shareholders welfare state. A state were we depend on the misfortunes or exploitations of others conditions to support our lifestyle, just keep those others hearts at bay, or better yet, way out to sea.

The forces that are positioning themselves to cut off our ability to fully understand our world and act as responsible citizens of both country and the world, do so at their and our peril. Predatory all consuming capitalism is an anathema to democracy, justice, responsibility and freedom. Once individual and national responsibilities are obfuscated or otherwise concealed under a flag or cross waving abstractions; a darkness this way comes.

This being said. I will shift back to my positive experiences, even those instigated by lack, in the next page. I have been blessed in many ways from my life and will share those that come to mind with you. They might by nature seem self centered and even bragging, but if I don’t do it, who will. Actually my close friends and those I have worked for have handed me many compliments that I will also relate. It’s going to be a bit of me-me time. Of course in some respects all communication is.


  1. Thanks so much for your honesty and authencity. It seems like the human condition often invites us to learn through pain. I applaud your courage in showing up to gather the lessons.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s