When I Awoke The Weather Had Changed


My Fathers Brother And Sister Are Gone

Last night I checked on the latest weather for Southern Arizona.  We were to be drying out more today, while the weekends wetness was being scaled back since the computer models were less suggestive of that.

Eight or so hours later, its all changed. Moisture is up, disturbances are near, and the chances of rain were much increased for this weekend.  Guessing about the future, sometimes even just hours or minutes away, is ultimately a guessing game.  Regardless, we do live in a space-time continuum.


My fathers self inflicted death occurred some 44 years ago.  My mother had been dead for several years at that time.  Dads brother and sister lived on, each in differing areas of the country, until this year, when they became perhaps closer than ever, in death.

As far as I knew, they had not spoken for decades.  My aunt Ann was the only relative that kept contact with me until about a decade ago, although I visited her a number of times across country.  She had a somewhat difficult life, spending many months at a time, over the years, in mental health facilities.  She never married, but really enjoyed children.  She was the only family member who ever showed any interest in we four orphaned children.

As far as I know, no relative has even asked about me over the years.  I would have last seen them in the 1960’s at funerals, except for me having visited some of them over the years. If they talked about my childhood and that of my sisters, it was with a shaking of the head sense of tragedy; ‘What happened to you kids.’…

This has always been the oddest part of my family; they left us with someone they despised, abandoning connections to us in their disdain for this person who staked my father starting at the day she saw him at my mothers funeral.  The priest there passed to us what was to be a curse on us that day.


Family is the basic first building block of extended family-community-society-humanity.  We are actually all interdependent and interconnected, if not obviously by human relationships, by the reality of the Environment itself. Ultimately there is not a bottom line to your actual family; it intertwines with all other families and Creation. Most people are 6 or so contacts away from everyone else on earth, the so called 6 Degrees of Separation.  There is the family of humanity, which we all have a vested interest in genetically and in many other ways.  But that does not prevent human beings from creating many reasons to fear and suspect other humans.

This separation part seems to come easy to my family, and unfortunately for my sisters and me, both sides of the family had serious abandonment and alienation issues.  Some of us had a “Perfect Storm” of dysfunctional modeling in what was once termed the American melting pot, a pot in which we were seemingly left cold in.

Nature and Nurture and Nothingness

This problematic life set-up such as I and others have had, will present any person with the prospect of unconsciously living the dysfunctions programmed in–out, over and over as if haunted. We are set up to learn much when we are the ones living life the “hard way”, and all while being ignored trying. Even with families intact, many of us live lives of quiet desperation, the accumulated separation forming momentous obstacles to a sense of connection and belong to others and to Life.

Then, there is the sensible restorative alternative to programmed in error; an essentially spiritual quest, seeking out awareness and its potential for understanding relationships in and to Life. Understanding can go on to forgive and release the seeming oppressions of the past.  Without it, we can go on to inflict the curse into our future, and into the world.

Seeing Through While Not Being Blinded

This self enlightenment, where burdens are set down and regrown into healthy fruit, is essentially The Way to solve the riddle of “The Sins of The Father”, which should actually be called patterns of ignorance in action, or Evil’s nascent seedling. Life gets thoroughly reconnected, not by politics or religion, but by spiritual immersion of the moment into Life.

I define Evil as ignorance in action, for none of us actually plan things that seem to others to be evil.  Most often, what we do do, is pass on an infliction and narration of our ignorance of Life and Creation.  This will likely produce unkind to horrible evidence to others, they can see and feel the evil, but most likely not understand the full breath of reason to it manifestation.  Even they then, through good intention, can go on to manifest ignorance in action by reaction. Well meaning unconscious continuance of ignorance in action can morph into its own “Sins of the Father”.  The answer is to be in the Ways of Life, or in some terms God, the opposite of ignorance in action.  It is a simple logical formula, as if mathematical, yet not knowing the math can sentence my own ignorance to its fate.  We are fundamentally designed to be Truth seekers, yet much can overwhelm and obstruct that pure intention.

This practice of being in the Presence of Life, or God, is not supported very well in the social and material worlds.  Largely, we are living in a consumerist and materialism paradigm where “successes” measurement is most often in dollars, holdings and “accomplishments” of the “free” individual.  Proud abstractions are proffered as if they were reality, while the reality of experience actually does not exist outside the universe.  This fact goes even so far as to connect each action of you or I to all of Life.

Social consequences, as well as other environmental ones, are consciously avoided, ignorance instituted, in mind frames seeking self aggrandizement, “success”, “achievement” and other “free individual” pursuits, for they are essentially delusional if the consequence of full connections are kept from cognition. This is most often done as an intention to not know, making it into ignorance in action while the delusion promotes self importance and the values that validate its bias.

JUST DO IT!!!  A Montra Of The Fearsome Self Actualized Achievers

Just desiring to go get a drink from the refrigerator, besides involving the use of energy and social, scientific and economic policies involved, besides that reality, gravity is in constant connection–the universe is altered, albeit seemingly very minor, from you deciding to go to your bedroom or sit for a while watching TV.  It is not exactly mentally questioning every move you make, but knowing the consequences of the collectivity of such movements by not denying their existence.  Not worshiping ignorance.

I will step out of the reflective self individual consideration to offer this observation; you will see in society, likely in most societies on earth, the desire to promulgate fear and insecurity through the intention to offer ignorance as knowledge, and that knowledge actionable intelligence.  This is then the realm of rationalization; where fantasy and reality have indistinguishable borders.

Now we can allow what is not factual, not fully honest, not interested in understanding others; let these kinds of perversions of truth and reality be called real and truthful, and not know our self deception.

Well, this trick of making fantasy into a kind of cognitive perceptual reality is a quality, or lack of quality, that holds a subjective capital; Ignorance becomes an avenue to propose and prosper; to rationalize false “truths” into a plausible narrative line.  These narrative lines need connecting to the individuals identity to attain real value.  The way to do this and set up a solution to a now intrinsic cognitive dissonance aversion, is to have this story maintain its expression as a factual entity.

The Mandates Of Mind Control

Confirmation Bias is now a mandate to this creation of a fantasy into an Appearance Reality, and that more broadly into a perceived Consensus Reality thought of as being The Real Truth, one most always requiring arrogance, attitude and world of other societal enemies.

This false truth; the one avoiding an honest platform of observation outside of ideology, is prejudiced against full questioning as well as honest evaluations of outside answers.  It must avoid this to keep ignorance in its now sacred place. This feat of distortion requires emotive protection to blame and shame, to mystify and to dominate the individuals truth seeking apparatus, making it dependent on emotion and rationalization to stand in as apparently confirmed sound reason.

To detect these aberrations of human consciousness, we need wonder as to what the actual reasons are in the rationalizations; what is served by distorting Truth into something other, while at the same moment considering the means of objectively determining Truth as something unwholesome?

Truth Is An Ideal; An Ideal To Be Connected To

My aunt and my uncle carried much emotional reactivity in areas of life.  The differences between them essentially led to their disconnection.  This has more and less effected my sisters and I as well.  As it turns out; if you are insecure, having been or felt betrayed or abandoned in life, you tend to be reactive to its its stimulation. Then, as I have learned in family, and see is evident in society(the huge extended family of humanity), defensive projection of inner irritation targets family or societal elements as the source and object of irritation.  You will “see” in these blamed folks, rightly and perhaps wrongly, that they ARE the way you accuse.

This is a primitive yet effective self preservation trick when the Truth is not known but requires substitute explanation to issues being avoided.  We actually all seek to live by The Truth, that is why we become mandated to perceive a likely reason, but what is more likely, we live by an assembled logic masquerading as Truth. What fantasy and imagination do here is very clever; we come to feel what we believe is true.  Now we only require the stimulation of that idea to “know” this felt truth substitute.

Girl oh boy, are we ever now set up to be used and abused by the rationalized dialectics of the worlds idea parades.  What will be excluded from these grand notions of explanations of existence will be the current immersion of your life into all Life; or your spirit with The Spirit–the One without exclusion.

More Tricks Of The Rationalization Trade

There are always reasons that the weather has changed, whether I understand them or not.


Is Death an Illusion?



When Looking Away: A Poem On What Life is Missed

Over What Lay


Below The Tree Of Life here drifting

leaves gather behind each lonely day

I notice one dream loosened to the east

missing one to the west not far away


Choices made to divide each sight

the wind in our shoes aimed ahead

going where now finds less sunlight

searching for what could be instead


Beneath The Tree Of Life all around

it was easy not to notice direction

north or south as reversed inside

mirrors unseen in their reflection

We seek ever onward over what lay

yesterdays leaves silently turning

over a missed word an undone tear

forgone colors of Life later burning


Life, Death and the Spaces Between

My Aunt Would Say; Do you want to Visit the Cemetery?


It would be one of the first things I’d hear; ‘Do you want to visit the cemetery?’

I was asked that when visiting in the 70’s, 80’s, less in the 90’s. She had spent more time of her life with my parents than with me. But some folks have differing ideas about where ones dead family members are buried or otherwise “kept”.

My own view was always as it is now; once you are dead you are gone, and if there is a heaven, I doubt if it is sitting forever 6 feet under waiting for someone to come by. It all seems more about loss, remembrance and superstition. A couple times I did go with her since it seemed important for her. This has all come to mind over last nights
The Tibetan Book of The Dead on the History Channel, and a spiritual blog I visited the day before asking a question about life after death.

There are some ideas that humans need closure and various rituals to connect them to some essence of the departed. I’m OK with that, I hardly think it justifies taking up land for the dead, as if at some future date we might have to all live in skyscrapers as to not disturb the dead. In Tibet, you (or what is left) are set free to the vultures, but then a prayer ritual goes on for some 49 days to guide you to your next life.

Pay attention to the monks praying and you might become a newborn human instead of a cat or a mouse. Can’t say much on that, except it seems somewhat arbitrary, spiritually, if ones concentration on the guides saves you from becoming a termite instead of a valuable member of a human society. Do you move up again if you are a good termite instead of a reckless one? But then I did not design existence…

Respect, disturb, visiting, well which is it? I feel respect of a sorts at cemeteries, especially the very old ones. There is something touching over the gesture, and for old (abandoned?) cemeteries, the idea that I can imagine what lives came and went around there. History itself, seemingly drifting off into a mausoleum.

I can get a similar feeling finding an old rusted car in a field, or a rusted piece of farm machinery, so it might be an association of respect and even admiration for what once was, that still maintains an artifact where it gave up the ghost. But I feel no such connection of essence to the graves of my parents. I also do not get the insistence some have over getting bones put into a hole for completion of one lost from this life. People seem to intend to carry out wars and smaller scale demands over getting their relatives or ancestors bones put back into some realm of respect, due to location of the remains. But this stuff is going on in the livings minds for various reasons the dead may have little cause with.

My respect for a dead person is unaltered by where their bones are, or if they were cremated or had an air burial, or burial at sea. I likewise do not care where my bones will be kept if anywhere at all; I am part of this earth and the Spirit of Life, what anyone does with my remains will be immaterial to that, unless, I suppose, space is taken up for the endeavor.

Who I am, and whatever being human is, we know it is about consciousness. You and I are inside our consciousness, not fully in anyone else’s. I am not living your life, obviously. When I am dead, I am some aspect of that consciousness I was or its Source, or nothing. But I will not be hunkered down in a box underground waiting for visitors, checking my stats, counting if all my bones are there or whatever.

Visit the cemetery? I will as long as they exist, for the view and the idea of respect created by the idea of respect, but not to visit anyone dead. To visit the dead, see them as alive in your own mind. Tell stories and wander through their apparent narrative, their meaning for you. Photo’s can help with that. Death is part of Life, and if this life had reason for you or I, I imagine that reason is continued on, just like energy, bones or no bones.

Moody Blues Youtube Video’s

Back to beginnings; Are the Day’s of Future Passed, present again?  —a Moody Blues reference.

I thought, why not put up some good old music from a group that had lots of poetry and spiritual vision in their work. I always appreciated their “deep” take on life. Life is as deep as we are willing to look into it.  Keep on looking.

…for things that are true; never forget.

Here is a kind of entire Moody Blues festival. I found them hopeful visionaries in the darkness as a kid.

Youtube has a smorgasbord of all kinds of video’s about most any subject.

Thanks to everyone who put all those Moody Blues numbers up on the WEB.







What Not

Drifting with eternity’s singular solitude

ideas collided into fire then coalesced

one moment trespassed into form

where once upon an errant time

eyes would behold what is

dreams could conceive

that what may be

shore of sea

and in life

life learned to speak

calling across space left behind

around and in front of now

there was wonderment

cold empty confusion

ideas reversed shape

in mirrors of others

convictions were


no one sure

as they must pretend

yet many would not look in

admit their own questions

unable to stomach these

these greater truths;

as to what became,

why what was left,

and what began,

and especially,

what was not.


We sit shell shocked

We stand bewildered

lay down on a moments softness

yet sleeping with our dreams

locked under our pillows


We drive down American streets

watching local road sides change

year after another cheep facade

until nothing but the new is left

a past little more than exhaust


We were astounded at the level

a gaping horizon filled fears illusion

fed into our quiet stone confessions

where even our dreams could hear

that march step of stupid-think

humanities greatest curse

to follow words of pride

with gross inhumanity


We were stunned in the headlights

Jingoism and ad-hominem reason

day after falsehood risen day certainty

and falsehood again through each season

now each dumb card is played on time

a test on if we really are as suspected

so easy to fool as evidence suggest

election to election and worse

the day after


As time settles fallen knowledge

under leaf, dust and despair

grand canyons expose the loss

our sacred ancestry defecated on

by those who claim to protect it

from behind desk and cable television

with their fear based conservatism

and bogus self centered pride

mirrored in smoke


History as it was made

and buried alive gasping

washes into its mineral melted sea

we saw who they are as they dissolved

the truth made them the worse for thought

and what contempt held their hearts firm

under their cold waters of alienation

etching emptiness onto

their incoherent souls

used our names

to lead the charge


Fear is the sacred calf

now serving money as god

guilding grandiosity within tongues

twisting stunted bold infantile confusion

lives of soldiers were joked over tables

and defenders exposed for political ill

while the dead are to be camouflaged

and a republic insecurity obsessed

callous and blinded by hubris fire

by the searing rays of ignorance


Encouraged by misleaders

to have disdain for reason

patriotic joy cutting away truth

till fact itself must surrender in doubt

then spread honey coated propaganda

on wounds of self inflicted injustice

tribalism flavored sweet mass media

wedging values with fight seduction

unconsciousness pedaling on


The babbling experts of Babylon

make words into covert weapons

with hope as cannon foddered blame

our common dreams are torn through

slashed by insecurity and doubt

this human continuum denied

again, and called illusion

broken memory shards

are hauled to wasteland’s

of strip-searched earth

commercials keep from sight


We are shell shocked

We are bewildered

lay down on a moments softness

yet sleeping with our dreams

locked under our pillows

this night keeps knocking

and knocking still loud

curtains keep us from seeing

if it will again break in

to steal our will