Life Goes On for a While: Aging still mandatory


And here I was several years back in my early 40’s.

A friend showed me this photo the other day. I said; “Oh, yeah. I was all worn out when that was taken.” She said; “You always say that about your photo’s.” No. I thought. Late in the day ones, this one particularly, I know I have. I have had an amazing string of eyes closed photo’s. I keep my eyes open for the photo to be taken. Then, as time drags on I figure I can blink. Blink and hear the click. Like clock work. The sleeping through life guy. I have avoided having photo’s taken since childhood.

This photo was taken by a this friend while I was visiting. I am wearing a second hand store shirt in it, and trying to recuperate after 9 or so hours of outdoor construction work. The afternoon temperature was well into the 100’s in those Tucson summers. I remember the first time I saw this picture. It appeared in a 2×2 inch frame. Good, it is tiny, was my first impression. Oh, I thought it was OK. I was not blinking as so often in my photo history. Yet I could see how exhausted I was. I had showered and all that after work, but those summer days can be very draining, even after coffee the energy level did not recuperate.

I bring this up, for now when I looked at this little photo, I could barely tell I was tired then. I can see it around my eyes a little, but now, I do not think of the photo as being as bad as I always thought. I wondered why this perception has changed?

Now that I am somewhat older and grayer, does the fatigue I was feeling at the time not register cause I feel more fatigued more often now? (I am writing this while I am trying to avoid having my back go bad from doing a bending over project for a few days.) Then again, now I am older, and older caries its own kind of appearance changes. Maybe I am associating a younger me with a more energetic me, so the tired part from then is less familiar now from the old context. Could be.

Enough about me. Or the photo thing, anyway.

Life does go on in our awarreness for this while we are here. I remember wanting to get older while a youth. I’d wonder what the mature me would appear as. If lucky(?) one gets to discover the changes of being older. The reverse, however, the waiting to get younger, now lingers in photo’s and movies, perhaps in writings and in stories of what one was like before, before more recent history came with its paintbrush and axe.

It seems weekly now, that someone I know, or a close friend of theirs, has a parent die. My generation is entering this last run in general terms; most parents will exit and be gone before long. It is different for me. Add up my parents deaths in years ago, and compounded, they’ve been gone for well over 80 years. I grew up with this part missing, for I faced my parents deaths in differing dates as a child. And no, there was no actual substitute for them. I feel much empathy for my friends elder parents losses.

Other elder parents we are are monitoring, are accidents happening; monthly incarcerations into hospitals (falling a number 1 issue), hips breaking, parts being removed, hospital stay creating new health issues. This, while for some of these seem not to be acknowledging the wall coming; that “for a while” eventually comes to an end. It will be right here at hand, immediate, one day. Many are always at that day. The; “It’s a blink of an eye.”


Those of us who have close brushes with death, can sometimes come away with enhanced values for common things great and very, very small. We live in a dynamic Creation, where everything relates to us. What we do does effect all else. We cannot grasp the exact magnitude of our connections and relationships. Close connections often loom in proximity. These days, I would go so far a to generalize that we often try to deny our connections, thus stemming any pressing needs to review responsibilities and accountability’s. This seemingly evasive need to avoid awareness, endemic to the ME individualism paradigm, has cosmological consequence as well.

All this said; love, or passionate connection and awareness for well-being, is something we can be certain this Life needs for a while. No matter the abuse, the loss, the betrayal, the times love seems taken away, in the simple act of returning It by giving it, there is restoration. For a while, I can always offer something up and into Life in this way instead of taking something out. I can discover all the new dimensions to the same Big Life I am a part of.

I can seek to make myself indispensable, for a while. I can know now with confidence; after this while is passed, Life and Love, the same “things” I am a part of, will persist. What I can add to these is the mandate of the eternal now.


…trying not to blink-