In a stunning setback to Norm Coleman’s vote count, it has been discovered that the vast Lizard People demographic has gone solidly to Al Franken. That, or a fly seems to have been swatted over Al Franken, or said fly attempted to tamper with ballot when inserted into the vote recording machinery.
We will keep you informed of latest breaking news on this critical issue. Why are fly’s allowed into the voting process? Inquiring minds are mystified.
LATE BREAKING UPDATE FROM LIZARD PEOPLE CENTRAL
Fake aides for Al Franken denounced our insinuation that lounge lizards or Lizard People are actually for their candidate.
They suggest that we think for a second; What do Lizards eat? Flies! Hello!
These uninformed sources claim that it was a fly voting for Al Franken in desperation of disqualifying an obvious vote for Lizard People. They suggest that the fly may well have been a Norm Coleman supporter, who is applying reverse psychology, making it seem as if Lizard People are for Franken.
Equally fake sources from the Norm Coleman campaign stated that the reverse psychology idea of the fake Franken supporters is itself reverse psychology. These people state that the fly likely just took aim at the nearest oval which happened to be Al Franken. They said a fly sees with hundreds of eyes, and just had to zero in on one without any attempt at reverse psychological intentions.
In fact. These phony sources claim that the whole reverse psychology notion is put out by the fake Franken campaign in case they lose the recount. They can then claim that the intention of a defeat was actually to vote for them!
Our Lizard People sources say that Lizard People are People who have every right to vote. They suggest that this whole fake issue is beginning to smell a whole lot like a plot by Flies to denigrate democracy and insert a rotten totalitarian state.
UPDATE NOVEMBER 21 2008
Sources close to our fake news contacts have informed us of a new development affecting Lizard People.
It has come to our attention, that all the markings on this ballot have been determined to be flies. It is now widely believed that this is indeed a Fly conspiracy.
It is now apparent that sacrificial Flies are out to demean Lizard People, making it seem as if Lizard People do not know how to vote for themselves.
In response to this new development, we at Lizard People Times would call on all Lizard People to come to the aid of their country. We must stop the vast Fly conspiracy attempting to turn the nation against Lizard People, as well as those who seem like Lizard People.
Once Lizard People are condemned, who will be next?
Let the words “buzz kill” go out across this great land!
ALL LIZARD PEOPLE
ALL THE TIME