SARAH. SARAH. Palin bounces off the ropes into corn field.


So you liberals thought ya had me down and out did ya. I don’t care what you elitist say of what I say. I’m talking to real Americans, not the kinds that love our enemies. I’ll have my witch doctor put those witches back in me if you don’t start being nice. Hey. By the way. How do I know they were cast out for sure? Oh! Yeah! Faith! I forgot. That liberal press sure knows how to confuse a gal I’ll tell ya!

That’s the trouble with this God loven’ country of ours; too many sinners have been put in charge. Well I’m gonna fix that for sure. Once that old guy caries me across the Oval Office threshold, it’s no holds bared for the American people. Finally God would have put one of them in charge. Real Christians, the kind that help the rich and tell the poor to act right. Ya know; like Jesus did. And let me tell ya, you sinners, we weren’t building all those detention camps in America for nothing. The Lord woks in mysterious ways, I tell ya! Praise the Lord.

All you sinners will be given the chance to repent. We all will believe in forgiveness as long as you agree with us. The best way to do that will be to be accepted by the Lord as your one and only personal savior. We know that when you register and vote Republican. It’s in the Bible I’m sure. God would not have missed such an important thing, but I’m sure those liberals will complain and whine about the God honest truth! That you can count on! As long as you prove you voted for me, you will get a personal photo of me at the poolside praying. I’d like you to have a memento of just who is on your side.

Once we get that sinner party out of the way, once again God will smile upon our wonderful country. And I must say; including far away places within the reach of Putin, like my Alaska. The whole great state of Alaska may not have the population of the Tucson Arizona area, but what it lacks in heat it makes up in with melting permafrost. I love slushies!

I’d like to invite you all up there to live near the oil wells once Kansas is a God forsaken hell hole. God’s gonna burn those people out of the lower 48 and send the God fearen’ folks up to God’s own country.

Some say that old man picked me out of spite or reckless disregard for our nation. Nonsense! He picked me so he could retire and let God take over. Real true Christians know this. They also know who they must vote for or else go to hell.

Thanks America for doing the right thing and not the politically motivated one. God loves ya. I feel His presence right now. Let me bless you all right here. God bless real America! Now that’s an order!


Before you all go. If you do come up to my Alaska, leave your witchcraft at the border. We have enough car accidents the way it is for heaven sake.

See ya…

nearly verbatim Tina Fey as Sarah Palin…