A poll on the news today, has Republicans believing Obama has a near 3 to 1 advantage to Clinton in a contest with John McCain. At least that is what I thought it meant, as I only saw one second of that poll on the screen. Instantly they went to a whole different poll about a different angle on who would win if they were caught balancing a ball on their nose. Might as well have been.

A poll by any other name would smell as sweet?

Now this is a new poll so up to date, it has not been taken yet!

It has just been determined that the election for president is officially over. The winner will be Poll Poll, by a wide enough margin to keep the presidency from now on.

50+ years and I have never been asked.

I took a poll on that. It was determined I do not fit into any worthwhile demographic. So I commissioned another poll that said; Would you put this guy into a polls data base if you were given a dollar after? No. So that poll, which used to be highly reliable, has been determined to have somehow gone berserk.

Then I commissioned a similar one that said; Would you put this guy into your polls data bank if he we gave you one thousand dollars and promised he would say you are the best person there ever was. Well! Jackpot! A whopping 99%, almost as pure as Ivory Soap, said unequivocally; “Heck Yes!

Now I am polled all the time and never have any money. Soon the phone will be cut off.

This story is true! Only it is all a big fat lie.

Well that is yet another lie.  Only the part from the nose balancing down is a fib, or as a focus group suggested; a misstatement.

Thanks for answering our call.

Your check will be in the mail.

Just look into the crystal POLL