There is that illusion in youth that one is immortal if healthy. Years take an eternity to go by. I remember once hearing a boy say, his friend with him is an old friend of his; they knew each other 9 months.

We stretch our limits physically; how fast can I run, jump, climb, at least many boys do. Girls have some of their own physical feats; sometimes like the boys, or other games, jump-rope, hop-scotch(?), even tumbling and other daring doo’s, that boys might rather not be “shown up” at.

I first hurt my neck when 5 or so, secretly. When 16, I was knocked out after catching a football in a parking lot. I went over the roof of a car and landed on my head. Being “out” was curious, being that I was in a black void, wondering how I find myself, looking for my senses. There was nothing but a desperate search. Things started to turn on in strange ways, hearing in color, until everything snapped into place and you could use your muscles.

I first hurt my lower back when diving off of a high dive while I was recovering from “walking pneumonia”. It was a bad choice to go to that pool, but my older cousin invited me and I hardly ever went anywhere for fun. I loved bounding off the end of the board as high as I could.

In my early twenties was the first time my lower back “snapped” when I picked up a dropped fork, (after the prior days digging up and turning over of the whole back yard in California, huge clay chunks, some prob. one and one half by two feet thick), leaving me with those ten days of no improvement, can not lift much of anything. It is a struggle to get out of bed, then have to walk like a stick not allowing any leaning forward or backwards, or sideways.

In about 3 weeks I was back to normal, but never the same, since that crippling extreme has happened half a dozen times in my life fully, and dozens more in a milder one week recovery way. Now I can usually tell how I get into this situation and try to stop what I am doing before that. That is then only a day or two of back swelling, sweating, or stiffness. Unfortunately, the neck and lower back are connected. I most always have to not bend my head when getting into cars, or the lower back might pop.

Later in life, I went on to work in construction. sometimes doing strange stunts like carrying a five eighths thick four by twelve foot sheet of sheet-rock balanced on the middle of my head to install it up on scaffolds onto a businesses ceiling. What a pain; balancing, aligning to edges, trying to use a hand to put a screw, or start a nail with.

I did this once to get our half hour lunch ended, since no “boss” was there and guys were still talking 40 min later, lounging on the floor. I was hired to work as I promised, so I did. Usually that would wake the others up from their mid day vacation. That is how I have been; I will sacrifice myself to achieve some promised ends in the face of difficulty, even if others sit by watching.

In my late thirties, as the main “clerk” in a huge warehouse in Tucson, I might lift and carry from 50,000 to 100,000 lbs. of boxed cotton goods (boxes often 80-115lbs) in one not so unusual day. All for about 1 dollar over minimum wage. My back went out once big time there. I told the manager, who then put me on another detail. I could feel my back leaking inside. In about an hour I could not hold my hands up in front of me without extreme pain. That started a 3 week no party of a vacation.

By my mid fifties; carrying a three quarter inch think sheet of MDF board (4′-8′) on my head to get it into my narrow trucks camper top and gate opening got more and more difficult. After several of these my neck seems no longer what it was. Now I cannot use it at all for a prop post.

Moral of the story being that; depending on use, some parts of your body can suffer from experiences at an early age, or leave you with a surprise chronic pain later. In case all you athletes thinking the possible thrilling abuse will not be met again later as the aging surprise. Surprise! There are birthday surprises that may be coming to a body near you. A gift that keeps on giving.


Throughout the culture we have some people using muscle and or being in positions that will have them regretting it later, but for many, that job was what they could get, and they might even become loyal to it, to their later detriment. The culture requires this work to be done.

These people may not have the ability to pay for health care. If you do not believe society (which depends for its existence on these people just as if they were the military) if you do not believe society owes them the decency for their service and sacrifice to it. Well you might be considered one off those heartless Darwinian conservatives, that are enlisted into Pavlovian response come election time, to blame the physical effects on the decisions of the one who sacrificed themselves; because it was their choice! Not only that. But why should I then offer anything to those suffering individuals since I knew better; was hereditary endowed (physically or monetarily), avoided hard work or difficult military service. We see this, the proud and righteous anti tax perception, promoted by predatory opportunist, as a moral value in the society. Down with the Nanny State!

This is an example how the greediness endemic to the alienated-separated individual, can be used to pivot their perception from full life connection, to defending oneself from responsibility to the whole. If one is kept in the perception of economic stress and or ego non accountability to other parts of society, which constitute the whole, I can think I am standing up for moral self accountability BY NOT ACKNOWLEDGING OR RETURNING THE SACRIFICE OTHERS HAVE GIVEN FOR MY OWN VERY LIFESTYLE AND PRIVILEGE TO BE PROTECTED AND CARED FOR IN THIS COUNTRY.

Imagine it. Conservative pundits right now as I type, are well paid to tell society that those homeless (yes, even from the military) living under bridges or a box in the alley, are mentally unfit and so beyond our province to help. That is the conservatives own mental illness of separation, often disguised as pride and moral, even spiritual superiority, to help shove someones life out of sight and out of mind. Their consciousness of the whole that is; amputated.

But this was to be a note on my life from yesterdays travels.

I avoid going to dentist and doctors, so yesterday was a special treat to see both.

Now from the doctor, I must make appointments for three specialist in differing fields. Isn’t that special. I also have another filling gone bad and have an appointment for that one. I did not know I was going to be getting x-rayed yesterday, so that was another surprise for the pocket book.

Gem Show

The tiny bit of the Tucson Gem and Mineral and Everything else Show one can see in two hours, was interesting in that there are many new kinds of stone and craft work suddenly all over, with an increasing shift, where I was at, towards Asian items.


The poetry reading was fun. I read the poems I have put on this site, which are in some strange ways different than my usual. I just write them and post them, sometimes going back and finding mistakes or awkwardness from the process of hurrying things on-line, or speaking to interest of my concept of who is writing poetry in general on my tags. Live and learn. That is what I have heard.

There were quite a number of newcomers to that reading, all seniors. Every writer is distinctly different. I sometimes enjoy particularly the straight forward from life ones from someones past, telling of some slice of life impression, fond or difficult memory. No fancy razzle dazzle word usage, just insight. Which is just so very much; a whole lot!

It is warming up an I am contemplating making a longer and less high dam on that small stream I mentioned many post back. The one with the one dam I already made last week. I often have to judge the price I will pay for lifting 94 pound bags of cement then walking sideways downhill with them. Plus all the mixing and shoveling.

Sometimes if a thing is to ever get done, you just go up to it, and do it.

From the nations last line.



  1. Wow i found someone who can talk more than me. I appreciate what you had to say. I could really “hear” you when you were speaking of the child hood to growing older. I have to say that no one seems to care about those things when we get older and are in the Doctors office and i don’t understand why? They don’t ask us did you have ANYTHING happen to you when you were younger and i don’t mean SEXUAL ABUSE!! I mean they act as though we were invincible yet they then tell us all the time that “kids think they are invincible.. stupid kids!” I can remember hitting my head hard on a cement slab in the backyard. I can remember falling hard on my back and doing more than just knocking the wind out of me. I remember snapping my neck on a ride at Knots Berry Farm going backwards. I remember having some sort of neurological thing when i was a child that i cannot explain to this day where i would see what i call a “rock” in my head. Possibly they were some sort of small seizures. Interruptions of the neurotransmitters. My daughter is now 13 and i just found out she is autistic. I hear all sort of crap on the TV about everyone’s theories. But you know people just don’t want to LISTEN or ASK about SIMPLE TRUTHS of the M A T T E R.
    I could have told them lots of things which i did from when she was first born and about the interruption of the Fetus when she was inside of me and at 5 months and then at birth.

    You mention these athletes. My father was an experimental athlete. HE had his children that is ME working out at 8 years old and up. We were on USS swimming and then using weights and doing Triathlons and other workout routines in the living room. I mean where do you draw the line. We were taking vitamins and eating the healthiest food you can think of. Guess what??? WE ARE ALL SCREWED UP NOW! I was diagnosed bipolar. He is an alcoholic but oh so fit so he will never die. Grandma died of a stroke. Sister is Sociopath. The other one is Pathological. I luckily am on the other side of the continent and making it out and escaped and now down from 25 medications to 4. In my opinion athletes are the same as drug addicts. IT is relatively the same premise. I have seen children who are star players and i was one too who go through their lives and then some who don’t “make it” because that was all they had to live for.. end up not knowing where to turn later in life. There is nothing to grasp for. WE feed the kids athletics as and outlet and then toss them out into the world. Well athletics AINT CHEAP and later on it wears on you. Yes LIFE KIDS LIFE. the REAL WORLD. WE cannot all be SPORTS STARS. That is the unfortunate truth of the matter.
    When circumstance rears its ugly ugly head….

    It might be that little “surprise” you were talking about that happened. Or the MANY that happened to me. Like SURPRISE you’ve got a gallstone and that means a surgery!! SURPRISE you’ve got a kidney stone now right after and that means ANOTHER SURGERY!! SURPRISE!! You now have ENDOMETRIOSIS!! ANOTHER SURGERY!! OOps i tripped and wow i broke my knee and the doc screwed up. OH but that is okay we here about the glory cancer surviver stories all the time in the news and just think that is the FACTS OF THE MATTER. WE here about the beginning middle and ends. But we aren’t there for the ENTIRE THING. People can toss around the word ENDURE all they want to but to truly go THROUGH IT??? Puh! IT is NOT FUN AND GAMES .
    I mean this whole notion of ” if you had to go through it all again would you?” What a bunch of crap! Of course the answer is always.. well of course i am such a better person now for it.. yeada yeada boo boo. So what you’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony??? Why don’t you ask them the real question? Would you like your worst enemy to ENDURE???
    Would you like your worst enemy to go through this crap shoot?
    To me it is simple.. it is called TRUTH and it is something that people are not willing to FACE OR TELL. They want to pretend that what they have or has happened never did.

    Problems must be faced head on. And for myself going through this crisis that happened this past SEptember i finally had to FACE the grieving process and that took Truth but damnit if anyone around me was willing to help. Instead people run and then you see alot of lip gloss. Well i am sorry but i am tired of a LIP GLOSS WORLD!! Lets get down to business here.

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