WELCOME TO GOLD-R-US ——–(this is a pretend commercial folks)
I’m sure you have seen the commercials for striking gold at home. Send the envelopes full of your families gold jewelry, and we will send you back cold hard cash!
Well actually, the cash will be a check, neither cold nor hard.
Here at Gold-R-US, we aim to put your personal gold strike into perspective. What better way, than have testimonials of real flesh and blood GOLD-R-US gold mine winners.
Wet the shovels and dreams of your own personal gold mine, here come a couple of our recent gold strike success stories.
We know that when you see how easy your gold rush can be, you to will hurry into the attics, the closets, under the drawers, even “house sit” at your neighbors for free, after the golden bug bites you.
Here they are:
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Guthry O says;
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Well, sure I will give you all a testimonial.
Upon seeing your commercials on TV, I realized we, I mean I realized I had some of that gold right here in my own house.
You see, my great, great, great, great, grandpa was in the Civil War. I think he was one of the guys who took care of general Lee’s horses. Did you know about a million horses were killed during the Civil War? Sounds to me like it should be called the Civil and Horse Wars. My father said his father told him his grandpa told him that he was told they even had to care for Oxen at times! Isn’t that wild!
Anyways.
Lee apparently gave my ancestor a solid gold knife holder for his belt that some southern Governor had given him. General Robert E. Lee was obviously grateful to my family for having kept his horses in such good condition.
I grew up with that knife shield thing locked inside a gun case that my grandpa had, and latter gave to my father near his death. I figured I would pass it on to my own son someday, but since I don’t have one and hardy ever even have a date, I figured this was my ancestors way of handing me a gift horse in the mouth.
I’m sure he would have approved of my decision to cash that history in for something useful. No point in being all sentimental over something locked up and out of reach. That seems nuts to me now. I figure my grandpa, and the grandpa that got this gift would be fine with me giving myself one. Keeping it all in the family so to speak.
I cut the knife shield up to fit in the envelope. Gold cut easy with a hack saw, but some of it did kinda melt into the blade teeth, so I picked that out with a pin that I had a poster of Toby Keith pinned up with. Don’t worry. I put the pin back.
Well, I stuck gold you all, just like you said. I got $500 from old gramps, and that was enough for me to get this new grill set. Wait until you see the glare!
It’s what some people call a chick magnet. Maybe now I’ll make my own ancestor and I can pass my grill onto them. If their mouth is the same size, it might even insure ancestors for generations to come!
What do you think?
Here is the photo of my brand spanken shinny new grill. I polish it every Sunday and what not to keep it in good shape. After all, we’re talking about history here.
My photo is below. I put it down there to be a surprise. I bet the chicks will be surprised some day real soon…
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I’m going to put these photo’s in the case where the old grandpa’s was with the knife and all.
In homage to him, I’m even going to make one of these look oldish. I’m sure my ancestors would be real proud of what I’ve done.
I’d do it again if I had more dead relatives worth anything, I’m tellen’ ya.
My grandchildren might have to get rid of a few teeth in front like me, but I’m sure that is a sacrifice anyone would be happy to make, just to have this incredible twinkle for each and every word. How could anyone not pay attention to me now that everything I say sparkles like the sun!
Thanks again Gold-R-US. You truly make dreams come true. I encourage everyone to melt down their heirlooms today, but don’t get a grill like mine. I’d rather stay one of a kind.
Gold-R-US Rocks! Like Toby!
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Candy K says;
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I’m glad to give a testimonial to you guys.
My story came from my mom. You see her grandmother gave her this ring that was from England. Seems that her great grandfather was a great carpenter, when carpenters still cared and stuff, a lot of carving and alI. I don’t know how the England connection came about. That grandfather was commissioned to do this huge carpentry piece for the Queen of England. This was supposed to be a surprise, so most no one knew about it. As the story goes, that grandfather finished this big piece of furniture in Chicago, only to hear that the guy who commissioned it died, and no one knew about the commission.
Well, almost no one. About a year later, after that granddad had tried to sell the piece to the Royal Family, saying it was supposed to be theirs. They thought he was some kind of nut or con man. Nevertheless, a year later, some sort of diplomat or something showed up at that granddads door with a gift. That gift was a ring allegedly had by one of King Henry’s wives or something like that. Unfortunately, the stone was gone, but there was engraving that said to whomever from your King, blah, blah, blah.
I had seen a TV special on PBS about this King Henry the 8 character, and I hated him. I could not believe fate handed me a chance to get back at that creep. Suddenly this commercial comes up; melt down your waisting away gold for some real money at Gold-R-US, we enable dreams to come true, and boy did they ever!
I sent that ring in, not sure that snake of a creepy jerk didn’t give his wives fake jewelry or something. $250.00 in a check! Now who is the fool old King sleaze ball! Guess who got the last laugh over your sorry a*s!
I had been eying one of those really cool foreign door pieces. It seemed only fitting to bring back some wood over this whole thing.
It is a shame that in India, Pakistan or wherever they are taking whole towns apart to fit into the modern world. The people cannot wait to discard their own old history! It is really, really sad. I’m glad to have salvaged this door or window from the import store. At least somebody cares for their history and architecture if they don’t. What is the big hurry to get plastic and steel anyway?
I don’t have anywhere to put this that works yet, so I keeping it in the attic for safe keeping. I could not have gotten this without your help Gold-R-US, you guys are really doing the whole world a favor. We get to save what is worth saving, and getting rid of the bad vibe stuff the creeps have handed down after having their way and all.
Love you Gold-R-US!
Hey Henry! Kiss my but! Loser!
Thanks again. Another happy camper who struck gold.
Candice K
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Here is the actual “Queens Table” this story is based on. Since it was never delivered, it sat in a Chicago warehouse for 75 years in boxes. It stood nearly 12 feet tall. My great grandfathers son is the Italian hamming it up of the floor. How about my great uncles Afro at the right?
I am actually in this conglomerate picture of pictures with one surviving sister and one not. Grandfather on floor with Italian face died before I was born. His wife is with us in the photo with me and my sisters in it. This photo should be around the “Roaring twenties”. My grandfather did lay on a drenched battlefield for 6 hrs with one leg machine-gunned during World War 1.
Interesting that some of the flags appear to be American. Probably more proud to be Americans than to rub it in. The chains and all were carved from wood. I wonder if any gold was in the piece?…
