WHEN LIFE RETURNS FROM THE DEAD

I took part in a domestic violence group meeting yesterday, where we try to help someone put into the court system over family violence issues.

Well, we all ended up crying on that day over the lost parts of our lives. In this case siblings who died young, yet had a special impact on our lives. Generalizing; most of us have not adequately mourned our losses, nor fully honored what we have been given. There are always lessons given by Life.

For the violence applicant, he had his brother die on the same week he lost his job and had his car repossessed. This had him react by falling into a three week depression. He stayed in bed sleeping most all the time. His kids and wife would come up to him wondering both what was going on and when he would be over it with the family finances in ruin. He also has past serious drug use and mental issues connected to that.

The person in charge of that meeting mentioned how her life had been in tatters and how she had learned to never think things cannot get worse than they seem to be. Since her experience is; it will get worse just when one feels put upon all one can be.

(We later talked a bit about mothering and nurturing with Mothers Day being the next day and two mothers at the meeting. I talked of not remembering my mother when I was 13; who she was, what she was like. But I did remember when I was 8 or so how mad she had become when we 4 kids did nothing for her on Mothers Day. How painful it was to feel you have somehow hurt your own mother so deeply without knowing it.)

I told my story of living in my truck, parents dead since I was a kid, fathers suicide, dead sisters masochism, I living with toothaches and missing teeth during puberty, no one ever seeming to care at all about me so much of my life, etc.

Then 25 years ago there was a day of epiphany when living in my truck in a town with nearly 50% unemployment, abandoned homes and businesses. I was broke, no job or home, soon to be no gas. One night I looked outward with all this resentment and feeling of abandonment. I looked up into the night sky and surrendered.

I declared all my ambitions for love and belonging were over. I was clean to whatever Life would have me do. I was now Its servant. Need to say; my life changed dramatically from that point on.

No longer a unwavering victim of circumstances, the world seemed new to me. Next thing I knew I was working for a “New Age” kind of church which nearly matched my philosophy/cosmology. Became a farm manager and speaker for the group at times. Had women competing over me!

I am a much more restored person now. I am not perfect in the sense of having no problems. But since that surrendering moment, I have had much more of a life than I thought I ever would.

The most important thing I know is to come to know what Unconditional Universal Love is. How It is beyond our abilities to fully grasp and yet how it is up to my actions to live nearer to It each day.

A life of loss and longing can be transformed into one of service to a value that is Greater, yet a part of us all. No matter how bad things get for me, I know, I need just stand up to see over the mountain top.

{This post resulted from yesterdays meeting and a response I made on a WordPress blog today which is linked to on my blogroll}