There is that illusion in youth that one is immortal if healthy. Years take an eternity to go by. I remember once hearing a boy say, his friend with him is an old friend of his; they knew each other 9 months.

We stretch our limits physically; how fast can I run, jump, climb, at least many boys do. Girls have some of their own physical feats; sometimes like the boys, or other games, jump-rope, hop-scotch(?), even tumbling and other daring doo’s, that boys might rather not be “shown up” at.

I first hurt my neck when 5 or so, secretly. When 16, I was knocked out after catching a football in a parking lot. I went over the roof of a car and landed on my head. Being “out” was curious, being that I was in a black void, wondering how I find myself, looking for my senses. There was nothing but a desperate search. Things started to turn on in strange ways, hearing in color, until everything snapped into place and you could use your muscles.

I first hurt my lower back when diving off of a high dive while I was recovering from “walking pneumonia”. It was a bad choice to go to that pool, but my older cousin invited me and I hardly ever went anywhere for fun. I loved bounding off the end of the board as high as I could.

In my early twenties was the first time my lower back “snapped” when I picked up a dropped fork, (after the prior days digging up and turning over of the whole back yard in California, huge clay chunks, some prob. one and one half by two feet thick), leaving me with those ten days of no improvement, can not lift much of anything. It is a struggle to get out of bed, then have to walk like a stick not allowing any leaning forward or backwards, or sideways.

In about 3 weeks I was back to normal, but never the same, since that crippling extreme has happened half a dozen times in my life fully, and dozens more in a milder one week recovery way. Now I can usually tell how I get into this situation and try to stop what I am doing before that. That is then only a day or two of back swelling, sweating, or stiffness. Unfortunately, the neck and lower back are connected. I most always have to not bend my head when getting into cars, or the lower back might pop.

Later in life, I went on to work in construction. sometimes doing strange stunts like carrying a five eighths thick four by twelve foot sheet of sheet-rock balanced on the middle of my head to install it up on scaffolds onto a businesses ceiling. What a pain; balancing, aligning to edges, trying to use a hand to put a screw, or start a nail with.

I did this once to get our half hour lunch ended, since no “boss” was there and guys were still talking 40 min later, lounging on the floor. I was hired to work as I promised, so I did. Usually that would wake the others up from their mid day vacation. That is how I have been; I will sacrifice myself to achieve some promised ends in the face of difficulty, even if others sit by watching.

In my late thirties, as the main “clerk” in a huge warehouse in Tucson, I might lift and carry from 50,000 to 100,000 lbs. of boxed cotton goods (boxes often 80-115lbs) in one not so unusual day. All for about 1 dollar over minimum wage. My back went out once big time there. I told the manager, who then put me on another detail. I could feel my back leaking inside. In about an hour I could not hold my hands up in front of me without extreme pain. That started a 3 week no party of a vacation.

By my mid fifties; carrying a three quarter inch think sheet of MDF board (4′-8′) on my head to get it into my narrow trucks camper top and gate opening got more and more difficult. After several of these my neck seems no longer what it was. Now I cannot use it at all for a prop post.

Moral of the story being that; depending on use, some parts of your body can suffer from experiences at an early age, or leave you with a surprise chronic pain later. In case all you athletes thinking the possible thrilling abuse will not be met again later as the aging surprise. Surprise! There are birthday surprises that may be coming to a body near you. A gift that keeps on giving.

HARD WORK AND ITS SACRIFICE FOR ALL

Throughout the culture we have some people using muscle and or being in positions that will have them regretting it later, but for many, that job was what they could get, and they might even become loyal to it, to their later detriment. The culture requires this work to be done.

These people may not have the ability to pay for health care. If you do not believe society (which depends for its existence on these people just as if they were the military) if you do not believe society owes them the decency for their service and sacrifice to it. Well you might be considered one off those heartless Darwinian conservatives, that are enlisted into Pavlovian response come election time, to blame the physical effects on the decisions of the one who sacrificed themselves; because it was their choice! Not only that. But why should I then offer anything to those suffering individuals since I knew better; was hereditary endowed (physically or monetarily), avoided hard work or difficult military service. We see this, the proud and righteous anti tax perception, promoted by predatory opportunist, as a moral value in the society. Down with the Nanny State!

This is an example how the greediness endemic to the alienated-separated individual, can be used to pivot their perception from full life connection, to defending oneself from responsibility to the whole. If one is kept in the perception of economic stress and or ego non accountability to other parts of society, which constitute the whole, I can think I am standing up for moral self accountability BY NOT ACKNOWLEDGING OR RETURNING THE SACRIFICE OTHERS HAVE GIVEN FOR MY OWN VERY LIFESTYLE AND PRIVILEGE TO BE PROTECTED AND CARED FOR IN THIS COUNTRY.

Imagine it. Conservative pundits right now as I type, are well paid to tell society that those homeless (yes, even from the military) living under bridges or a box in the alley, are mentally unfit and so beyond our province to help. That is the conservatives own mental illness of separation, often disguised as pride and moral, even spiritual superiority, to help shove someones life out of sight and out of mind. Their consciousness of the whole that is; amputated.

But this was to be a note on my life from yesterdays travels.

I avoid going to dentist and doctors, so yesterday was a special treat to see both.

Now from the doctor, I must make appointments for three specialist in differing fields. Isn’t that special. I also have another filling gone bad and have an appointment for that one. I did not know I was going to be getting x-rayed yesterday, so that was another surprise for the pocket book.

Gem Show

The tiny bit of the Tucson Gem and Mineral and Everything else Show one can see in two hours, was interesting in that there are many new kinds of stone and craft work suddenly all over, with an increasing shift, where I was at, towards Asian items.

Poetry

The poetry reading was fun. I read the poems I have put on this site, which are in some strange ways different than my usual. I just write them and post them, sometimes going back and finding mistakes or awkwardness from the process of hurrying things on-line, or speaking to interest of my concept of who is writing poetry in general on my tags. Live and learn. That is what I have heard.

There were quite a number of newcomers to that reading, all seniors. Every writer is distinctly different. I sometimes enjoy particularly the straight forward from life ones from someones past, telling of some slice of life impression, fond or difficult memory. No fancy razzle dazzle word usage, just insight. Which is just so very much; a whole lot!

It is warming up an I am contemplating making a longer and less high dam on that small stream I mentioned many post back. The one with the one dam I already made last week. I often have to judge the price I will pay for lifting 94 pound bags of cement then walking sideways downhill with them. Plus all the mixing and shoveling.

Sometimes if a thing is to ever get done, you just go up to it, and do it.

From the nations last line.

Benafia